self-help remedies

[helenic]

Right. If you have intense sleep-deprivation, a crushing headache, a sensitivity to weather pressure, gym soreness and the (ever-debilitating) combination of low energy, hunger and an antipathy to food, follow the following procedure:

• have cup of tea and chat with good, wise, kind friend, who will provide reality check, hugs, and stroky lobsters (the specifics of this step may vary)


• high-speed cycle-ride through Cambridge, preferably in spring, overtaking all the other cyclists, thus obtaining exercise-endorphines and blissful sense of utter liberation


• purchase the following from local supermarket: orange juice, low fat yoghurt ("woodland" and "orchard" selections highly recommended), weight-watchers malted danish loaf, selection of Twinings green teas, slim-a-soup (leek & potato, mediterranean tomato), various salad items reduced to mere pennies (including packaged caesar salad, mediterraean salad and italian salad) and button mushrooms.


• eat aforementioned caesar salad. drink two pints of water.


• feel immediately glowing and healthy. write livejournal entry chronicling effectiveness of technique.


• eat gooseberry-flavoured yoghurt


• tidy room whilst listening to The Sundays (or other light, peaceful, upbeat acoustic indie)


• have aromatherapy shower utilising bergamot, rose, and lavender


• re-enter tidy and calm room, be overwhelmed by feelings of wellbeing


• make cup of jasmine green tea


• achieve perfect success in all academic endeavours

Note: avoid caffeine, binge food, cigarettes, stressed friends, and livejournal. This includes comments to aforementioned entry. Do not allow self to be distracted by contemplation of the meta of an ironically self-referential livejournal entry, because your genius would be far better off applied to your Latin Literature essay.