heaven and hell

[helenic]

Excerpt from last night's pillow talk:

me: Hell is a small, isolated, fluorescent-lit room where you're desperately trying to use the internet to send an urgent message but your connection speed is so weak it takes about 45 minutes to download a text-only email.

Chris: Oh god. I think I've been there.

me: And there are millions of tiny windowless identical rooms, all unaware of each other, and the air con vents over your keyboard so your hands are freezing and you're using a virus-riddled Windows machine -

Chris: One of the ones you get in public computer rooms running Windows 3.1.

me: Whereas in heaven, everything runs on Linux.

Chris: Apple Macs. Has to be Macintosh for heaven, nothing else has the graphics support.

me: With high-speed broadband and unlimited bandwidth. And Internet Explorer doesn't exist. Nor does MySpace. And you can have any domain name you want.

Chris: Yeah. Domain squatting is definitely illegal in heaven.

Comments

[hairyears.livejournal.com]

I have tried to imagine a special circle of Hell for domain squatters, but all of the things I can think of as hellish (being force-fed marmite-flavoured golf balls and tabasco, Cliff Richard's all-time Christmas favourites played on an endless loop, an accompanying video of 'Teletubbies - the untransmitted childbirth scenes', and an extended conversation with Simon Cowell) are probably things that a domain-squatter would like.

[sugar-and-space.livejournal.com]

As long as Cowell was stuck in there with me, it'd be a worthy sacrifice.

[cartesiandaemon.livejournal.com]

Maybe it's like that physically non-consistent hell-spoons parable, and the afterlife is "No Domain Squatting", which is heaven for normal people, and hell for domain squatters.

[sugar-and-space.livejournal.com]

Ah, so you've used Kit's laptop, then?

:)

[cartesiandaemon.livejournal.com]

Rachel and I were recently wondering what for normal people comprises pillow talk; now I feel a lot more normal :)