margins

[helenic]

        Libellum ...etc (internal dialectic)

New skin for this thing. Devised while illegally blutacking cocteau twins postcards to my wall, because they have the best album art ever.

Bank holidays are meaningless here: I shall spend today sitting in lecture halls drawing spirals in my notebook and writing Greek Prose in the style of Plato. Doodles seem to have replaced taking notes in lectures entirely, since they serve the same purpose while being more aesthetically pleasing. If I look at something I've drawn I can always remember what I was listening to at the time; this curl suggesting one of Aristotle's four causes, those stars hinting at the reason the Nurse in Hippolytus speaks mainly in anapaests.

It's summer and I'm laughing more, in maryjanes with black ribbon at my throat. I heard a story at primary school about a girl who tied a ribbon round her neck; her boy was never allowed to take it off until she finally let him on her deathbed, and as soon as he pulled the bow loose her head came off. Of course there are times I still shake with self-loathing but there are things I can use to distract myself - letters and posters and buttons for bracelets, icelollies on the grass, expeditions to Stratford and London - until it doesn't seem important anymore. Yesterday I saw Alex on stage and was stunned, because it's strange seeing someone you love become someone else, and at the end when Stella spoke about her miscarriage I cried.

There's a deeper meaning behind the spirals in my notebooks than philosophy lectures, I think. The way they turn so self-indulgently inwards is all too reminiscent of me.

Comments

[mettle.livejournal.com]

everyone will get on with everyone. wine helps. so does the friendliness of everyone. but, y'know, no one really ever says, "thankyou" when they leave.

i feel so fucking uncool, keep stumbling across comments on my party in places i haven't mentioned it. not that i mind, just makes me into a big ol' geek when i realise i do this too often. danny called me 'the queen of lj meet-ups'. i was... not impressed.

but, what do i care, i'm gonna drink and dance and drag people around the house. then, i will get immensely jealous when people become all friendly and stuff when i am not involved. because i'm selfish like that.

oh, i don't care, i'm just having a bad day and want to whinge.

xxxxxxxxxxxx.

[libellum.livejournal.com]

i will say thankyou when I leave, i am always the paradigm of politeness. actually i think the fact yr party is the talk of lj makes you even more cool. You aren't a queen of anything, everyone just likes you. & i know what you mean about being jealous when your friends like each other and it's not selfish, just normal, so hush.

xxxxx